Gutterballs Weekly Vol IV, Issue 15

Chorus:
Slip sliding away, slip sliding away
You know the nearer your destination, the more you slip sliding away

Well I know a man, he came from my hometown
He wore his passion for his bowling like a thorny crown
He said Willie, I live in fear
My love for the pins so overpowering, I'm afraid that I will disappear

chorus

I know a woman, became a wife
These are the very words she uses to describe her life
She said a good day ain't got no opens
She said a bad day is when I lie in the bed
And I think of spares that might have been

chorus

And I know a father who had a son
He longed to tell him all the turkeys for the things he'd done
He came a long way just to bowl
He kissed his boy as he lay sleeping
Then he turned around and bowled another frame

chorus

Whoah God only knows, God makes his plan
The perfect game's unavailable to the mortal man
We're workin' our jobs, collect our pay
Believe we're gliding down the lanes, when in fact we're slip sliding away

----------------------------------------------------

Well over the half way mark for season four with most bowlers logging more then 30 games it becomes harder and harder to see significant movement in our averages. With 8 regulars working to boost their averages this week only one was able to give theirs a positive tick.

The seven others either saw theirs slip slide away (-1 not that bad) or hold steady.

Let’s look at the numbers;

High Game:

Dude: John John (the big crank) has really found his game lately. In Game one JJ came out fast and furious with a 197. Mikey chasing the leaders in game three gave his best shot rolling a 202. But unfortunately this night belonged to Mr. Plow JC. Jon's 223 in game one would not be beaten.

Ladies: Stef and her new shiny ball couldn't make it this to repeat her domination from week 14. This left the door open to two suitors the lovely Jaime Morgan and Jam Master- Ashli. The question was who wanted it more?????

Ashmaster gave her best shot in game one with a 124, that just wasn't going to cut it this week. Jaime's 151 in game 2 helped her to the top for the special ladies. NICE.

Series Total:

Dudes: JJ continued his groove (506) but wasn't able to catch up to JC's 560. Damn that's some gooooood bowling.

Ladies: No contest, Jaime brought it and Ashmaster knew it. Choosing to sit out the third game Jaime (416) walks away with this weeks Special lady sweep of the honors. Mikey you git a great lady there.

How do you measure up?:

League wide average’s: Dudes: 160 (E) Special Lady Friends: 128 (E)

Most Improved Bowler

Gotta love a lady with skilz on the lanes and a love of the game. With little competition this week Jaime could have phoned in her effort. But with integrity of the game she gave all she had. The bowling gods reward sincere effort and that is why Jaime is this weeks ONLY bowler to improve (+1). Outstanding!

Biggest Dip:
-1 shared by: Ess, Tony, Mikey, and with two games Ashmaster

200 Games:
JC, 223 (G1), Mikey 202 (G3)

500 (+) Series:
JC 560, JJ 506

450 (+) Series Ladies:
None

Best Shot of the night:
Light night, plus a solid head start pre league by some made this week's top shot: Dr. McGillicuddy's

NOT SOOOO Best Shot of the night:

JJ, he might have had some great games but one frame JJ would rather forget. Game three, Seventh frame JJ posted Double Zeros. Ouch.

Quote of the night:

Jason takes the honors again. This time it was creepy Harkrider not drunk Harkrider.

Ashmaster: “WTF Harkrider?”

Jason: “I'm in your personal space aren't I?”

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Hope you enjoyed the recap as much as we enjoyed living it.

See you on the lanes!

Sincerely,

Weekly Reminder 15!

I thought that ground hog saw his shadow?

Whatever so it’s still a little cold out all the more reason to get out of the house, blow off some winter steam and head to Willies!

You’ll never know what you will see or hear at league play,

What inappropriate comment might Harkrider say?

Will there be a Brad and Amanda sighting?

(Nice sweaters)

Will JJ wear a shirt from his son’s closet again?

Will Ashmaster fill the juke box with 10 minute “jam bands”?

(Jam On!)

Will the Karen and Harkrider feud be hot or cold?

Can Stef and the new ball continue to dominate?

Mikey and Jamie anymore couples trick shots up their sleeves?

To find the answers to these and more head down to Willies tomorrow night.

SEE YOU AT WILLIES!

Gutterballs Bowling Term of the Week:  SIK -------- (fill in blank)

(Adjective) derived from the Colorado hippie community. Used most commonly to describe something awesome. Example: Sik Turkey.

Official Invitation:

Who: YOU!
What: PW GUTTERBALLS League Night!
When: Registration/ warm-up at 6:45- 6:59 pm then balls in the air at: 7:05 pm SHARP
Where: Willie’s Wish – Regatta for the PW townies
Why: Why not
All are welcome new and old, spread the word.

There Now its official; YOU”VE BEEN INVITED!

And now your featured bowling quote of the week: Big Lebowski:

(Honoring the fallen friends who join us weekly in spirit)

Walter: Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was. . . He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors, and bowling, and as a surfer explored the beaches of southern California from La Jolla to Leocoreo. And he was an avid bowler. And a good friend. He died--he died as so many of his generation, before his time. In your wisdom you took him, Lord. As you took so many bright flowering young men, at Khe San and Lan Doc and Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And Donny too. Donny who... who loved bowling... And so, Theodore--Donald--Karabotsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well... Goodnight, sweet prince.

Looking forward to seeing you all there!

Sincerely,

League Office

Gutterballs Weekly- Vol IV Issue 14

Welcome back,
Your pins were your ticket out.

Welcome back,
To that same old lane that you laughed about.

Well the names have all changed since you hung around,
But those pins have remained and they're turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya (Who'd have thought they'd lead ya)
Here where we need ya (Here where we need ya)

Yeah we tease her a lot cause we've hot her on the spot, welcome back,
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.
----------------------------------------------------

This week marked the return of a legend, Queen Stef and her shiny new ball came back to roll with us. WELCOME BACK STEFF

With hubby Andy still laid up with a broken wing Stef made sure she knocked down enough pins for the both of them.

But Stef wasn’t the only one bringing her “a” game. With both Ess and Tony dedicating the night’s efforts (on and off the lanes) to good friend Htiek Greiveldinger’s birthday, JC being JC and Jr’s hot start 5 bowlers cracked the 500 mark this week! Those pins didn’t stand a chance.

Maybe it was the hint of an early spring in the air with the sunny weather, the sounds of birds chirping, the cold Miller Lites whatever the cause the effect was great times shared by all at Willies…

Let’s look at the numbers;

High Game:

Dude: Announcing his presence with authority! Jon Jon came out HOTTTT tossing a 202 in game one. Ess tried to keep up but fell short with a 196. In a rare feat for JJ tonight he wasn’t a one game wonder. This cranker had more up his sleeve, tossing this week’s high game 212 in game 2. Nice roll’n friend.

Ladies: Amanda couldn’t make it out this week. Good for her. She didn’t have to match up against the buzz saw that was Stef. WOW, ladies back up. Stef has a new ball and means business. Making her welcome back game one a record breaker. Ok not a record breaker but a new season 4 high mark for Special Lady Friends (Old Mark 197 December 10 Stef). Stef tossed a 213 in game one capped off with a 10th frame turkey (nothing sweeter). OUTSTANDING

(NICE BALL)

Series Total:

Dudes: Kind of like his kiss, kiss, hug XXO tenth frame on Valentines week. This week JJ’s three games were, 202 (Kiss), 212 (Kiss), 130 (FUUUUU****). But whatever still good for the top honor sweep and a 544 series.

BONUS Side Award: Best Shirt for a grade schooler- Nip nap, whatever it works for Jon Jon.

(JJ thinking it is flashback Friday busts out a t-shirt from his middle school days)

Ladies: The rest need not apply. Stef sets a new season high 509 besting herself from October 29th (472).

How do you measure up?:

League wide average’s: Dudes: 160 (E) Special Lady Friends: 130 (+1)

Most Improved Bowler

Well when you are new your average can be a little volatile. This can be a good thing or a bad thing. But the lanes were in a giving mood this week. So are good friend Sandra bested her average 15 pins! All this despite repeated heckling from JC and Tony quoting the classic Lebowski-Maude “It’s Saaaaundra about Beeeanoldi” ha, good times.

Biggest Dip:
HARKRIDER! -1

200 Games:
JJ 212, 202

500 (+) Series:
JJ 544, JC 530, Tony 515, Stef 509, Ess 500

450 (+) Series Ladies:
See above!!!!

Best Shot of the night:

Hard to top a 10th frame Turkey for new high game. Nice work Stef.

NOT SOOOO Best Shot of the night:

HA. Last week we noted Ess’s failed spare pick’up using dead wood (fall’n pin in the lane). This week Ess knocked dead wood out of the gutter to pick up a spare. This caused some controversy. Harkrider Jason gave his best Walter and preserved the integrity of the game fixing Ess’s spare on the score card. This despite the commissioners wishes ‘Come on man, it’s Smokey, I mean Ess, so his toe slipped over the line a bit”.

(Ess's harkrider imitation)

Quote of the night:

After a bad roll Jason/ Harkrider comes up (too close for comfort) on the back of Ashmaster and passes by muttering “Ahhh, maann, I’m sucking sucking hind tit tonight”

ALLLLLLLLRIGHTY then, thanks Jason.

Incase you wondered:

Stef may have set season highs but the all time special lady marks are still in Amanda’s name

Game/ Series: November 30, 2007 (223 / 551)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Hope you enjoyed the recap as much as we enjoyed living it.

See you on the lanes!

Sincerely,

- League Office

Weekly Reminder: Week 14

Port's Downtown was rock’n last night for PW LADIES NIGHT! I had the privlage of stopping in and see JC work his magic behind the bar at the hotel.


Let’s keep the downtown energy going here in PW on this President's Day week of bowling.

(Not a good bowler / president)

(great bowler / good president)

SEE YOU AT WILLIES!

Hope to see you there.

Gutterballs Bowling Term of the Week:

In honor of Karen coming out from the other side of the bar to roll with us last week…

                  BARMAID : A pin that's hidden behind another pin. Also known as "the sleeper"

Official Invitation:

Who: YOU!
What: PW GUTTERBALLS League Night!
When: Registration/ warm-up at 6:45- 6:59 pm then balls in the air at: 7:05 pm SHARP
Where: Willie’s Wish – Regatta to the PW faithful
Why: Why not
All are welcome new and old, spread the word.

There Now its official; YOU”VE BEEN INVITED!

And now your featured bowling quote of the week: Big Lebowski:

Walter: What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude!
Dude:Yeah, and you were--
Walter: You know this!
Dude: And you were divorced five fucking years ago.
Walter: Yeah? What do you think happens when you get divorced? You turn in your library card? Get a new driver's license? Stop being Jewish?

Looking forward to seeing you all there!

Sincerely,

League Office

Gutterballs Weekly. Vol IV, Issue 13

(Compliments of Matt EsselmaNN)

Well this week the league is happy to report that the poser hippie stayed clear of our positive Dudeism aura (check it out at http://www.dudeism.com/index.html, If you need any thing commisonor Tony is also an Ordained Dudiest Priest (with papers). Lets just hope that this is not where Ashmaster and Maggie were this week.

This week also could have been overshadowed by the fact that there was a Queen Hoepner and Queen Stef sighting in PW on bowling night, but still no appearance on the lanes? I guess Tello’s was too cool for them to stop in and say hello.

I was also hoping to see the rekindling of a true lane romance with the appearance of Sarah. Jason said hello and gave a couple high fives, but that was it, disappointed.

This also leads into the fact that we saw the first time that two bowlers were both “one and done”. The league will have to look into this one to see the legality behind it, but both Sarah and Barber stuck around for just one game (hey, better then nothing, Thanks for stopping).

This week we welcomed Karen to the lanes. It was agreed that she would come from behind the bar and show us her stuff on the lanes and Jason would tend the bar. Well it did not quite happen that way, but she did show her bowling skills right in front of Willie no less. Hey Harkrider tend that bar!!!!

Not too much drama on the lanes this week when it came to rolling. Ess showed that even though he loves to hunt, it would help if he doesn’t come into the woods with a BB gun to shoot those turkeys. He couldn’t even hit a Dead-Wood spare. With a pin sitting on it’s side to make a split spare possible he did a big fat swing and a miss and decided to hit the gutter instead.

With the presence of his parents Tony “Nubs” Matera tried to do a bunch of showing off and managed to pull off a bunch of BS spares. Way to go Tony your mom told me she was proud of you.

JC, we missed your “Harkrider” call. Well there’s always Wagens!!!!

To the numbers:

High Game

Dude – the Harkrider comes through with an impressive 214 in the 3rd game

Special Lady Friends – Karen showed that she could do more than pour a mean Turkey shot with a 181 in the 3rd game

Series Total

Junior stayed consistent with three scores in the 180’s (180, 182, 183) for a 545. However there is a rumor that he was all set to get the sweetest turkey there is (10th frame), but went XX0. That’s strike, strike, gutter folks, (or kiss, kiss, hug on Valentine’s week). It must be karma because Jason snatched high series with a 560

(NOT TODAY Jr.)

Karen also showed us that lane 5 and 6 were hers because she rolled high series for the ladies with a 427 – She had a lot “Are you kidding me’s” leaving that 10 pin more than she would like to admit.

Most improved
– Junior’s consistency and Jason’s Harkrider ways gives them both most improved with +2
-Ladies – No improvements this week

Biggest Dip goes to Ess – FUCK! -3

Turkey’s – Jason and Jaime both hit one in GM 3

Weekly Reminder Lucky 13!

If you get a chance to dig yourself out of the snow plenty of HOT ACTION down on the lanes.

Show mother nature who is boss. Don’t let her win and stay in this Thursday. Get out and ROLL!

Come on it is lucky week 13. You can't miss this one!

(don't ask me why but when I google imaged "Lucky 13" this was one of the first photos that came up...Outstanding randomness!)

Hope to see you there.

Gutterballs Bowling Term of the Week:

I think Willies might know something about this…

BONO A condition typified by a severe lack of lane conditioner - see "Mojave Desert"; term seems to be confined to England.

Trick Shot of the week:



Official Invitation:

Who: YOU!
What: PW GUTTERBALLS League Night!
When: Registration/ warm-up at 6:45- 6:59 pm then balls in the air at: 7:05 pm SHARP
Where: Willie’s Wish – Regatta to the PW faithful
Why: Why not
All are welcome new and old, spread the word.

There Now its official; YOU”VE BEEN INVITED!

And now your featured bowling quote of the week: Big Lebowski:

Well you do this for four years you are going to have some repeats. Oldie but a goodie:

Walter: That's fuckin' combat. The man in the black pyjamas, Dude. Worthy fuckin' adversary.
Donny: Who's in pyjamas, Walter?
Walter: Shut the fuck up, Donny. Not a bunch of fig-eaters with towels on their heads tryin' to find reverse on a Soviet tank.

Looking forward to seeing you all there!

Sincerely,

League Office

Gutterballs weekly Vol. IV Issue 12

WOW, The league office apologizes. We are slipping mid season. Let’s blame it on Super Bowl weekend (although really it was just laziness).

Well still no Cedarburg group, Queen Stef still hasn’t returned since her one appearance after being wed. I think her husband is to controlling? Hoeps “Women, if I can’t bowl no one in this house is going to bowl!” Light’n up Andy, let the lady have some fun. You can come to you know.

This week did mark the return of the Williams Family. Brad and Amanda came ready to roll. Despite the ally’s excitement with their appearance they were not the story of the night.

This honor goes to “HARKRIDER!” and poser hippie.

You may recall Harkrider was the term of the week. A word that describes Jason the Hitch Gutzman’s style of rolling. After nearly EVERY toss JC would congratulate Jason with a “killer Harkrider!” “Sik Harkrider” “Alright, way to go Harkrider”… Jason did not catch on.

Also a nice side theater was the addition of the poser hippie. Never got her name we will call her Patchouli stink. Patchouli came late as an invite from Ashmaster and Maggie (please do not think less of these fine ladies, but there friend was a downer).

Maggie after one game was sidelined from injury. This is where Patchouli’s true downer self came through. Tossed 4 balls complained after each toss and finally stormed off the lanes? Yeah we didn’t think this made much sense either. Despite the entire league cheering her on and supporting her Patchouli took a very non-hippie approach and hated on our league. Even bitched about her drink for having some ash in it (hey Patchouli, watch where you flick your bud and this wouldn’t be a problem). Oh well on that on, Patchouli’s loss was Ashmasters gain ‘I’ll finish that” Nice work Ashmaster, nice work.

Wow that is a lot of side theater lets look at the numbers;

High Game:

Dude: The lanes defenses were figured out by a few this week. Particularly JC and Ess. Game two was a battle for this week’s high game. Ess posted first a 197. But this wasn’t enough as JC finished strong and came in as this week's only 200+ a 204.

Ladies: Well could Ashmaster keep it up despite the return of Amanda? ….. NOPE, After Amanda’s game one 88 were she had to knock the dust off her game, Amanda came out firing in game two. This weeks top lady game was an impressive 168, Welcome back Amanda.

Series Total:

Dudes: JC kept the steady hand edging out Ess’s 547 with a 566 of his own.

Ladies: Amanda may have high game but she isn’t conditioned to go three games yet. Too many weeks off I guess, she needs to get her league conditioning back up before she can put three good games together. That honor goes to Ashmaster’s 424. Nice work!!!

How do you measure up?:

League wide average’s: Dudes: 160 (E) Special Lady Friends: 129 (E)

Most Improved Bowler

This late in the season you really have to post a number to see any significant movement. That is what JC and Ashmaster did boosting their averages by 2.

Biggest Dip:

Same thing on the negative side. Tony found himself slipping again this week but only by 1, the rust wasn’t that bad for Brad and Amanda either. Nope this week’s biggest dip goes to Mikey -4. After struggling for two games Mike tried to find his groove lefty in game three 133-137-120. Not all that bad.

200 Games:
JC 204

500 (+) Series:
JC 566 – ESS 547 – Jason G (Harkrider) 502

450 (+) Series Ladies:
None

Best Shot of the night:

Amanda’s game two walk away 5-4. Not that impressive but the walk away attitude was bad ass. Damn that’s hot.

NOT SOOOO Best Shot of the night:

Patchouli Stink’s attitude

Quote of the night:

If you recall a few weeks ago Jason’s buddy responded to Jason’s “Where you been haven’t seen you in a while?” with tak’n a dump.

JC right out of the gates- Jason” Hey JC been a couple of weeks where you been?”

JC “taken a dump harkrider.”

TURKEY UPDATE:

This week only 4 kills by 2 Hunters JC and ESS. This is important to note because Ess becomes the Season Leader with 14 turkeys.
Thanks everyone who made it. Have a great weekend.

See you on the lanes!

Sincerely,

- League Office

Week 12 reminder

Ladies, come on. No offense but have you seen the top scores? Top lady is there for the taking this week. Who wants it more? Hope to see some familiar faces this week, Amanda? Stef?, Cedarburg gang? How about the original queen Jesse Levin?

Come out and get your roll on! Tomorrow night at Willies!

Hope to see you there.

Gutterballs Bowling Term of the Week:

This is in honor of Jason “the Hitch”

Harkrider: The type of delivery in which the bowler seems to bounce his ball at the foul line upon release, as in dribbling a basketball.

Official Invitation:
Who: YOU!
What: PW GUTTERBALLS League Night!
When: Registration/ warm-up at 6:45- 6:59 pm then balls in the air at: 7:05 pm SHARP
Where: Willie’s Wish – Regatta to the PW faithful
Why: Why not
All are welcome new and old, spread the word.
There Now its official; YOU”VE BEEN INVITED!

And now your featured bowling quote of the week: Big Lebowski:
This one is for my wife Kirstin

Dude: You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling?
Walter: What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude.

Looking forward to seeing you all there!
Sincerely,
League Office

Not bowling but had to share

Packers Fan Announces He Will Return To Drinking For Another Season

Gutterballs Weekly Vol IV Issue 11

Hey we are growing +1 this week. We had seven bowlers this week with the addition of the Ashmaster’s friend Maggie.


Sorry for the late report but lets get right to it…

High Game:

Dude: With his shinny new ball left in the bag his trusty Chaos proved it still had some turkey bullets in it. EsselmaNN this week tossed an impressive 236 in game two for this week’s high game. He also had a pair of turkeys and a hambone in there.

Ladies: Ashmaster couldn’t keep it going this week, as Jamie returned to glory with a game one 151. The only question remaining would her game three 95 be enough to claim high series….

Series Total:

•Dudes: typically 538 is going to land you high series, that is unless you run into the buzz saw that is Matt EsselmaNN. Ess was on this week tossing a 581. For his efforts he is rewarded with a +2 (172) average. Nice bowling.

•Ladies: Well could Jamie hold off Ashmaster and Maggie??? Any guesses? Ok enough of the suspense. Yes Jamie’s 151-130-95 was good for a 376 and top honor. Stef / Amanda this must be killing you guys. Come out of your hiding.

How do you measure up?:

League wide average’s: Dudes: 160 (+1) Special Lady Friends: 129 (-2)

Most Improved Bowler
You toss a 581 you are gong to improve. Ess’s +2 is this weeks most improved.

Biggest Dip:
Maybe it was a jinx last week when the MIB report said Tony was setting himself up for the biggest dip or maybe he just isn’t that good of a bowler. Either way this weeks dip is Tony-2 (160)

200 Games:
ESS 236 G2
Mikey 202 G3

500 (+) Series:
ESS 581
Mikey 538

450 (+) Series Ladies:
None

Best Shot of the night:

Game two – Ess- 10th frame; this will for ever be known as the Dirty Turkey. I wish I could explain it but let’s say the first two strikes were less then impressive. The pins fell more then knocked out with any authority. And his turkey was a Saukville.

NOT SOOOO Best Shot of the night:

Tony- 3ish Gutterballs. NOT COOL

Quote of the night:

Nothing to report.

Thanks everyone who made it. Have a great weekend.

See you on the lanes!

Sincerely,

- League Office